Sometimes being a teenager makes you wanna die.

“sometimes being a teenager makes you want to die.”

I heard this phrase on AWKWARD and actually thought it was kind of powerful.

‘Cause really,sometimes as a teen you do want to die – without even concidering the awful and sad effect that it’d leave on your beloved ones,friends and all other people who care about you – because sometimes,just sometimes it gets too much. It just does.

I’ve been there,I’ve felt that.

And you know what,I try and try to go on and pretend like I never think of those things – knowing that I would never be powerful enough to cut my own life like that – but in fact,I do. Everyone does,from some point!

I am sick and tired of feeling the way I do and I feel like that pretty much every week, at least once. You see,the funny thing is,it does get better. You know how they say “time heals” but what they don’t tell is that when it does get better,there will eventually come that moment when it’ll get worse again. And then better. And then back to bad. And then better. And then,eventually,it’ll all be bad all over again… That’s something I can say from my own experiences,unfortunately.

I’m a fighter by nature,grown in a family of strong woman,but I also have a fragile side,which I don’t show too often but sometimes I guess I should – just enough to let people know it’s not always as perfect and nice as it seems to be from other people’s perspective.

Here,I’ve said it.

In any way,what I’m trying to tell here in a very weird and twisted way is – don’t do anything to yourself without thinking about it clearly. Because really,is there a way back after? There isn’t,as sad as it is. And it will get better – and I’m not saying it won’t get worse again within a few weeks,months,years,but all we  can do is just hope that by the time the bad stuff will come up again,we’ll know a better and more responsible way to handle them.

SUICIDE IS NEVER THE ANSWER. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. Like,EVER.

Who knows,maybe eventually we’ll get older & wiser,or some shit like that.

Alexa has spoken.

Peace.

SOME OLD-SCHOOL CHIC

I was just recently watching an old Marilyn Monroe movie and got totally mesmerized how playful and cute she actually was. Okay,I’ve heard how they say that Marilyn was probably one of the most difficult Hollywood actresses to work with but didn’t that all pay off when they saw the final result?! That is what I am thinking.

I really loved ”How To Marry A Millionaire” because,surprisingly,everything in that movie was just so true and relatable,even for the 21st century gal like me.

So,thank you Marilyn for your voice,playful acting,beautiful smile and iconic figure,which will always stay as a reminder to all the young and aspiring ladies out there that being curvy is an effect not a deffect.

Such a shame she died.

OUT WITH THE OLD,IN WITH THE NEW

You know what,it’s time to call things as they are not as they come. Because I’m just really honestly tired of always returning to this situation where,well,let’s just say it’s not a good place to be at,both emotionally and physically.

I WANT to feel better about myself,my appearances,my language and my personality.

And let’s face it,I can’t do that while tagging along all of the past’s bullsh*t.

So,here we go.

First of all,I don’t eat sushi. I don’t like it not even the tiniest bit. It makes me squirm and it makes my throat super itchy.

I don’t really enjoy sweet stuff. I used to – like a lot actually! – but as if right now,if somebody would offer me a piece of chocolate cake or some sugary candie,I’d say no. Pizza,yes. Cakes,no please. And thank you.

Don’t even get me started on meat. I eat that stuff. I do. I used to think I don’t,tried to convince myself a dozen of times – what a fool – but I do. And I eat it regularly. Even if it sometimes makes me feel sick in the stomach because the truth is,if I eat more than just a little bit,I always feel too full to functionate. That’s true,by the way.

I hate diets. They’re POINTLESS. Seriously,like everyone says they’re bad for you,so why would anyone still want to go through that stuff? I don’t get it. To starve yourself to fit into,what,some crazily high standarts? No,thank you,no me gusta.

I’m allergic to olives,so obviously I would never eat them unless I’d decide to die a slow and painful death. Not this decade,amigos.

I don’t drink diet coke/coke at all. Like,ever. Sprite,Fanta,lemonade or iced tea is a yes for me but cola? Oh please. I’m from those 90’s kids who were taught to avoid that stuff if you don’t want to get an extra layer of fat or a heart attack. And I proudly stick to it.

And I’m not sure how is this relevant but it is what it is and besides, I guess you just have to know these things about me in order to fully know the real personå I am. You know?

Moving on.

I don’t need some friends who talk behind my back,don’t respond to texts for months [or weeks? Come on,you do have your phone. Answer it.],who can’t find time for the person,who always bitch about random stuff I,by the way,like; Who has completely 0 common interests with me,who are aggnorant or hypocrites. Not to mention those friends who’d try to change who I am for who they think I should be. Why don’t you start with yourself. Let’s see how it goes then.

And nobody’s ever that busy. No one. Never. Like,seriously.  I believe this theory that if you like the person,you’ll find that one moment. For those of you who truly know me,you guys know I say this alot. And you know it’s true because I am sure you,yes you,have at least once avoided someone by just telling them ”you’re busy” when really,you’re just chilling; It’s not even an excuse,it’s in a way,lying. And bad news for you champ,I don’t tolerate it.

I’m not actually saying I have never done so myself; But at least I feel bad about it and try to make it up for the people. At least for a moment,I feel like I’ve been a bad person. Not like you all who think that the sun is shining out of your *** so you can do whatever you want,because someone will always stick with you anyway.

And I apologize for the relatively big amount of censoure used in the last sentence. I was just explaining my point. Whatever.

Cursing is bad though. FYI.

And I wouldn’t want a friend who’d never be here for me,would you? I think pretty much nobody would want that. Because we all crave to be loved and cared about,so I don’t even think I need to say anything more. You just know what I’m talking about and I’m sure you’d feel the same.

I don’t like doing make-up because I strongly believe it hides the real features a girl has.

Make-up tutorials? They don’t interest me.

But I still do it time after times because… Well,because we live in a society where the looks are everything and once you don’t have those,you’re out of the game.

Do I feel comfortable in all of those layers of lipsticks and mascara and foundation? I don’t. And that is why I encourage you to think about is make-up really what makes you confident and beautiful? And if it is – I actually know some people for who it is like that – I’m not judging you,because everyone’s different. I’m just saying how I personally look at it.  Period.

……………………………………

With all of this,I’m not saying I’d be better than all of you,I’m really not. Everyone has their flaws,their issues,their dark sides but I just want to get rid of mine. Sincerely,I do. And if writing down how I really feel will help me to do that at least the smallest bit – I‘m doing it. 

Once again,this post is for me,about me,by me. Everything here is strongly personal and not neccessarely normal maybe,but that is who I am,that is how I think.

And by the way,to those who’ve been asking,I don’t like writing in latvian language and I most likely won’t do that for the next kabillion pointless posts I’ll write. Because unlike some people,I like to live more cosmopolite and writing in english just expands my readers group. Here,I’ve said it. No latvian texts on here. At least not for now anyway.

And if you think what I said here was crazy,good you didn’t hear the thoughts I kept to myself.

Peace.

 

By the way,Alexa is short for my middle name which is Alexandra,which I like using better than my 1st name. How about that.

WANT TO BE HEALTHY? THERE’S AN APP[LE] FOR THAT!

You know how those people always complain –

•   ”Oh,I wanna be healthier! Should I put this burger down?”
• “I wanna look like Miranda Kerr on a diet!”
• “I’m so stressed about my figure that I can’t even eat a BigMac today!”

People,it’s summer. Let’s face it,it’s too late to go on a diet now,because I’m pretty sure you’ll only gain some visible effects from it arround the time Jesus will resurrect. And really,what’s the point of starving yourself? Love your body and embrace it as it comes,because – and you can believe it or not,but either way this is true – if you love yourself,others will,too.

Seriously guys,just eat an apple and go lovin’ your life,because that’s the only one you’ve got.